Then we started arguing and he ended the relationship saying that although we liked each other, we had different values that would prevent us from having a good relationship, but he wanted to stay friends and decided he wanted a break. Posted July 11, 2015. I had been with my ex for 2 years and we just had a beautiful baby boy who will soon be 6 months old. How to Salvage Your Situation + Get Your Ex Back, What Your Ex Means When They Said Its Me, Not You (Or Any Common Breakup Excuse), How To Break the Silence and Build a New Connection With Your Ex (and Get Them Back), How To Get Your Ex To Chase You (and Give Your Relationship a Second Chance), 8 Unmistakable Signs Your Ex (Secretly) Wants You Back, Did You Make These Mistakes After No Contact? Simply understanding your exs reason for wanting to be friends doesnt really answer the core question in your head though: When your ex says lets be friends, should you actually be friends with them or decline right off the bat? I was hoping if we ever did reconnect shed be able to tell me how nice everything is going and maybe she had found love. Because youve dedicated so much time to this person, and you feel uneasy towards him or her, you believe the friendship you were offered is a steal. When Is It Bad To Ignore Your Ex? THAT would have been nice. Reach out to your ex. Ill go on with my life and be the best person I can be. That's not how you should be treated. Here are 10 signs your ex still has feelings for you: 1) They Insist On Staying In Touch It seems as though there's always something to talk about, even though there's absolutely no reason the two of you should be talking anymore. Im worried about providing too much or too little attention. She has been trying to be friends with me knowing I love her and still want to have a life together in the future. In longer relationships (meaning those that have lasted over a year that I discuss in another article,) its important that after the breakup you make some distance between you using important methods such as radio silence, or the no contact rule. Its hard to imagine friendship without contact. 1. While his Mam has passed away. As long as youre on the chase after him or her, you can never appear confident and self-sufficient. Mother-daughter actors Laura Dern and Diane Ladd share all in Honey I am hurt!!! The friendzone gives you the perfect opportunity to gain leverage over your ex, so dont see it as a defeat and dont freak out if your ex wants to be friends with you. I have been sensing that she may be letting a guy pursue her or being on dates. Allow your ex to guide you, and not vice versa. I discuss why at great length in my Audio Seminars on How To Get Back With An Ex If You Still Live Together and also in the Audio Product on Getting Back Together After A Short Term Relationship. If you respect yourself, you have to stop talking to him. If youre on this site, youre looking for solutions in terms of getting back together; not being friends with an ex that left you (or the person that maybe you broke up with.) Ex Says There Is No Chance of Getting Back Together - My Ex Back Coach If not, at the very least I will keep my ex in my life. I never did. After a breakup at first glance, staying friends with your ex in order to avoid tension and disagreements would appear logical. You cant talk your way back into a relationship. Message me if you change your mind. In a way, they are standing up for themselves by saying they wont settle for something so low. She took 1 week to respond. For example, if you do 30% of initiating, your ex must do 70%. Honestly it hurt hearing that, I genuinely wished the best for her. After some time, he will turn around and notice your friendship isnt what he thought it would be. 1) You might have had a messy breakup, and now he just wants to keep the peace. My Ex Said We Would Stay Friends and Now They Ignore Me: What Should I How Do You Tell If An Ex Is Manipulating You? This is when your ex might want a friends with benefits situation with you at some point down the road so they want to keep their options up. My ex broke up with me recently, but will contact me once a week. For some people, this idea breaks their heart because theyre still in love with the person and they want to get back together. 2. Instead my protective nature was triggered. Youre either all in or all out. Do I need to check messages to know about someone we have been deeply in love and shared life? "Let's just be friends" is one of the most dreaded text messages someone can receive from their ex after a breakup, and if you're reading this, you probably know what it feels like to be on the receiving end of these words. Clay Andrews is a dating and relationship coach who helps women find the right type of man they can create a loving and thriving relationship with. Whether you realize it or not, when you go through a breakup, and your ex says lets be friends, theyre negotiating your status with you. Follow through with active no contact. Ill focus on building my relationship with other friends. Exes arent interested in a romantic, nor friendly relationship with you. My Ex Hacked My Facebook, Can I Press Charges? We didnt have any labels on the relationship, but it was very intense. Other slightly less important ones are emotional stability, conscientiousness, sense of humor, intelligence, emotional sensitivity, vulnerability, kindness, authenticity, compassion, generosity, humility, bravery, money. For some people, this idea breaks their heart because they're still in love with the person and they want to get back together. You are allowed time to grieve that relationship and get over the break up. If you feel fine doing so, it's also good to tell that you'll be there for your ex (not romantically, of course, but if they need help/support with something important). If he reaches out to chat or meet up should i respond or have a good solid period of NC again? In an odd way, theyre priming and testing you to see when youll break that coveted line and sleep with them. If they have an emergency they can always count on me to help, if she has a death in the family, I will console her. Me and my girlfriend been in a relationship from past3.5 years and during this September she moved to UK for her masters. Then proceeded to tell me he wants to just be friends and does not want more than that. But Ill dive a lot deeper into that later. Im hoping that he would start considering reconciliation during the NC but Im afraid that if I keep ignoring his random messages, he would not reach out. I made my decision, depending on her answers to the questions I asked like how would things be different? Whats stopping you from leaving again? Stuff like that, I would accept a probationary Round 2. I was overly emotional, foolish enough to not have boundaries, agreed, even continued sleeping with him (now stopped), and am well and truly friend-zoned (another 4 months later.) How Do You Let Go Of An Ex You Still Love? Could you be dating someone else and youre actually happier without him? Now you might take this as a setback because you ideally want them to say, lets get back together, so hearing a lets be friends can be hard. 1)Your ex can't stop looking at you If you catch your ex gazing at you and quickly averting his or her eyes away from you not once, but many times, you can be almost certain your ex still has feelings for you. He is the creator of Ex Solution Program- a program that helps couples get back together. Youre either in a conflict with your ex and the breakup didnt lead to a calm after the storm, or youre lucky enough to be able to have a platonic and healthy relationship after a breakup that went well.. I figured we would be back to no contact again. After which, he reached out and we texted for a week or two. She wants to date other people, but tried to keep you as a backup if no one else works out. 2023 Elite Communication Coaching, LLC. The tell here is that if your ex misses you, he may act competitive toward your new flame or make weird comments about it. One could even say its karma striking, and now hes on a mission to fix what he broke. They say something along the lines of I cant be your friend because I still have feelings for you. July 14, 202303:35. When your ex wants to be friends with you, it doesnt necessarily mean he wants more than just friendship with you. Sometimes, a woman might break up with a guy, only to realize that she really misses him. 8. We still live together & share a child. If you want to get out of the friend zone and be back in a relationship with your ex, you need to embrace the Nos your ex gives you and start seeing them what they are opportunities. My Ex-Friend's Wedding: Directed by Kay Cannon. Its hard to say because right now shes in a very smothered state. 24 Little Signs Your Ex Might Want To Get Back Together - Bustle It was very sudden, and it definitely knocked me down because in my head we were going well. You can save face by mimicking your exs actions. What do I do now? Use Rachael as an example that accepting your exs request to become friends is sometimes really not the best idea. Instead, it was their feelings about their ex and about the breakup that predicted contact: People were more likely to communicate with exes they still had feelings for. Now lets suppose youre done with the no contact rule. Should you really remain friends with an ex as a means of trying to get them back? The fact is youre hurt and you want to be together, and your exs proposition to remain close can feel like theyre twisting the knife in the wound. 2. You said that you'd do anything to keep me by your side and in turn, I promised you that I wouldn't walk away. As a general rule, even when youre saying, My ex is coming back, I really recommend that you dont get in bed with them unless youre in one particular situation that I explain in my book 70 Pro Tips To Get Back With Your Ex. In reality, its much, much less than that. Your highly emotional state during the breakup would make you act on impulse and force you to do uncontrollable things. The interest level of this person has to be so high it evens out with your disinterest. How to Respond to "We Can Still Be Friends" - Luvze He or she will think Ok, my ex is clearly still emotional about the whole thing and wants me back. This time, not answering the phone and for sure shutting him down. For your ex maybe there is no ambiguity but for you its simply a way to get closer and to stay in contact. During which time, his mom got sick so the timing wasnt right and he said he cant be in a relationship and doesnt even know if he still felt the same way. She offered me We can still hang out and have fun. They feel it then and they are saying it to prevent you from . Youd think that the concept of working on yourself would be instinctive, but most of the time people who are going through breakups (especially if their ex broke up with them), waste hours obsessing over what their ex might be doing or thinking. You dont want to lose your relationship forever and youre wondering if friendship is a good way to get it back. One week after that I asked her out and she made an excuse. Hey Ruben, good for you working on yourself keep going with that self work. In fact, you may even end up in a position to be taken advantage of. The reason for that is because if you show zeal towards him or her, your ex will reasonably return less. Theres nothing better than using that time to focus on yourself. Staying friends with your ex has absolutely no positive benefits. They might even be interested . You can even evolve in ways that intrigue your ex and make them realize what theyre missing out on. This can happen with relationships that lasted a long time or a short time. Your email address will not be published. He needs to realise that if he is not with you in a relationship then you cannot be in his life. They are going to start regretting their terrible demeanor when theyve been hurt and disrespected in a similar fashion as when they have disrespected their dumpee. Be a positive person. It is better for both of you. Its important that you are honest with yourself. Whatever the case, months later, he is now sending you messages and friend requests out of nowhere. So, it is absolutely essential to take this time of no contact to clear your head (and let your ex clear his) before you consider any kind of friendship. Copyright 2018 - Soulfulfilling Love. situation to come back from. After reading your article I know now that I have to be less attentive and have her provide more to it. I dated this guy for 4/5 months but we were never in a relationship as he eventually decided he couldnt see a future he told me he still wanted to be good friends. One of the best signs your ex regrets breaking up with you is when your ex craves and/or demands your attention. Its just things began to remind him of how things used to be and he does not want that (at the moment) take some time in NC and start dating yourself. 11 Signs Your Ex Is Pretending To Be Over You More often than not, when youre constantly trying to get your ex back by pushing them into a relationship, it makes them more defensive and less likely to indulge that possibility. He Broke Up With Me And Said "He Needs Time" - Is It A Lie? Lets see how long it takes him to weasel his way back again. Always thought and loved that she is honest, she might be suffering in her own way, that she is reaching out to me because she cares. He might try to act cool and aloof, but at the same time, if there's a chance you might come across him, he has to look handsome, smell good, and walk straight. He simply doesnt like hurting you and feels bad for breaking your heart. But unfortunately we crossed paths again somehow. The mix of anxiety and fear of loss, genuinely make you think this is a once in a lifetime opportunity a bargain deal, meant for you to take it. The same can be said for your ex when he suddenly wants to be friends with you again. When your friendship ends, it's important that you accept that and resolve your feelings. 10 Real Reasons Why Your Ex Wants To Be Friends - MomJunction The answer is simple: I love them. When couples part ways there are two different emotions that are created. She told me her reasons. She doesn't want to admit that she wants you back, so she pretends to just want to be friends. Since we were long distance it helped, and luckily my friends and family were supportive. reseducing your ex and that will change everything. 3 Ways Being Friends With Your Ex Leads To Getting Back Together AUSTRALIA TEXT/WHATSAPP+1416 606 6989 Friends With An Avoidant Ex If You Want Them Back - YES OR NO? You broke up because of long distance. The reason for that could be that his new friends arent as great as he thought or perhaps there are other issues he is currently facing. If something naturally happens then it happens. You deserve more. What can be done here to get her to see the worth of our bond and the life we had and have? She told me I dont really know what to respond But I like your new whatsapp picture it is very nice, have a nice day, I took 4 days to respond that, I told her Hey, thanks for liking my profile pic, keep in touch and have a nice day. She is basing her decision on how she feels about you now Right now, it's only natural that your ex isn't feeling too excited about the idea of you and her getting back together again. Unfortunately, its a black or white situation. When youve got an ex that wants to be friends, the very first step is to figure out exactly what you want deep down. Youre thinking that the only way you can get close to your ex again is by getting in bed with them. They know youve built something together, and they want to keep in touch with you because its hard just to let go. Meaning wed agree not to see anyone or sleep around during that time. Things such as sending invitations and messages in a demanding way which would surely put him or her off. Texting An Ex Boyfriend : The 10 Golden Rules! Your email address will not be published. We ended with half a phone call. He got the space he wanted, so he feels ready to be your friend. The no contact rule is a period (usually 21 to 45 days) when you cut off all communication with your ex. You will be way too needy and want your ex like crazy. First, the partners need to individuate from each other in order to form separate individual identities. After the NC, he suggested for us to just be friends because he doesnt want to pursue a relationship with me, due to relationship burnout. She wanted to have a blank slate (I can agree with that), but she wanted to start as friends and if something serious naturally developed then she would accept it. Id better stay out of this. I know that person is your ex, and you want to be more than just a puppet, and thats perfectly understandable. ), What to Do If Your Ex Blocks You on Facebook, How To Show Your Ex You Have Changed (Powerful Strategies Revealed Inside), Heres Exactly When You Should Ask Your Ex To Be Your Boyfriend/Girlfriend Again, 5 Devastating Mistakes That Will Ruin Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back, How To Decode My Exs Behavior and Actions [What To Do + What NOT To Do To Get Your Ex Back], Should I Apologize To My Ex Or Let It Go? That same night we started FaceTimed as friends again all night. I asked her to be frank if she is seeing someone. There are four main reasons, Rebecca Griffith and her colleagues found, why exes feel compelled to maintain a friendship or to suggest doing so: for civility (i.e., I want this breakup to hurt less. Most of the time (99.9%) of the time, dumpers suggest friendship just to soften the blow. She may then begin to think things like, "I really thought that this was the right decision for me, but now I'm not so sure anymore. Should i reduce my availability to him? Steps for Getting Back With an Ex. I grieved and did everything you need to do to get past it. Please leave your comment below. (I agree with them on that front). The breakup doesnt entail just the physical split, but rather a complete separation from each other. But my advice for you would be to follow the limited no contact where you only reply about your child and if there is an emergency you need to let him know about that. He still loves you If, after a breakup, he realizes he still loves you, he might ask you to remain friends in hopes of getting back together romantically. Friendship with an ex is difficult, so tell him you need time to yourself and ask him not to message you anymore.